he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
