Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
