go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
