I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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