Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
