Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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