Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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