Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
