All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
