There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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