I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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