ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
