my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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