I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
