last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
