Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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