Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
