I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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