i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
