conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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