Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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