i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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