i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
