my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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