I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
