Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
