I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
