it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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