So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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