we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
