i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
