Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
