Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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