Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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