Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
