saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
