textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
