it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A bitchslap is in order.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
