I wish my penis had an off switch
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
