All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
