At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
