Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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