dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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