remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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