WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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