You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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