Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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