Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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