I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
