Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
