Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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