I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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