what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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