god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
