i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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