She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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