You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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