we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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