I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
