If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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