I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My vagina is officially offended.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
