Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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