My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
