Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
