There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Terrible idea I love it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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