Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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