I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
