do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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