apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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