Me too!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
