Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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