Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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