Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
