What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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