He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
